Obsessive Religious Compulsive (My Friday Un-Khutba)

"Let there be no compulsion in religion.
Truth has been made clear from error.
Whoever rejects false worship and believes in God has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that never breaks.
And God hears and knows all things"
Quran 2:256


This is such a beautiful verse. I can't think of a more important concept to teach. Whenever I hear a group of Muslims descend (in cyberspace or real life) on a fellow Muslim with a litany of the things they must do, I go back to this. There is simply nothing in the area of faith that you can force on another person. You can try to convince them using sound proof and scholarly texts, but all acts of worship really start within our own minds.

The person who is forced to adopt certain practices without really believing them will eventually revert to what her true beliefs are in the end. Now, this isn't to say we shouldn't teach people. Please do teach people. I AM saying do not think you can or should shame people into doing things in the name of God, because it just doesn't work that way.

Years ago I met a convert who was happily married for many years to a man she had known since childhood. You can guess that since she was Christian, he was as well. Then she became Muslim, and the gangs of those congratulating her on her conversion were shortly followed by gangs of people giving her orders to divorce her husband. For those of you not familiar with the reasoning, it all comes down to a Muslim woman not being allowed to marry a non-Muslim man. Let me pause here and say that this is a majority opinion and one not necessarily held by yours truly. But that deserves its own post. She ignored all this advice, which was pretty amazing in my opinion, and her husband eventually became Muslim as well. He baby-stepped his way into the religion and both of them were not involved in the community much at that time. Which turned out to be a good thing because it allowed them to take things at their own pace and form their own opinions. But there was a huge potential for disaster there, lurking under the surface. If she had listened to the people who said, "you can't be Muslim if you are married to a Christian", if he had listened to the people who said, "you can't be Muslim if you still like to have a beer on the weekend"; they would have turned away from the religion.

What's the take-home from stories like this? Meet people where they are. Inform them, don't order them. I know someone will come at me with some hadith about guiding people and correcting wrong with your hand, and if not that, with your word and if not that, with your mind... But to them I say remember that there is advice (naseehah) and then there is disgracing another person (fadeehah), and be careful which you are doing. Also, check your knowledge before you run off at the mouth like an Islam Q&A scholar... Because maybe there are other opinions or the situation isn't even what you think it is as an onlooker. Remember that whole making excuses for your fellow believers thing? Now would be a great time to do that.

Harder is not better. Being so prickly that no one dares to approach you does little for you, or the religion. So really think about it when you tell that new convert that jeans are not hijab. Be sure you really have deep knowledge before you say something about someone else's practice at all. Including the very classic Shia shaming I have seen so many times it makes me want to scream. Do you really think you know someone's personal aqeedah (beliefs and religious creed)? Because if so, you are so much smarter and more insightful than I'll ever be.

Why blog?

For those of you that don't know me already, I am a convert of some 15 years and I have lots of views that would probably be considered radical by most Muslims if not down right wrong. Way back when, I took a very dogmatic approach to the religion and it got me nowhere. I am a seeker and a researcher by nature and many arguments put out by "mainstream" scholars just don't hold up in the larger context of the reality of life. I was faced with a decision. Live trying to believe in principles that were never part of my world view, or find some way to reconcile Islam and my beliefs as a modern, educated woman. So about 3 years ago now, I just gave up even trying to live by the standard advice all the scholars give.

Ironically? It was something said by a person who just gets more wahabi every time I hear him speak that pushed me in this direction. I was listening to his tapes (because you know music is haram, right?) on a trip from Denver and he said something about why we should give the khutba(sermon) in other languages even though people will claim it is sunnah to give it in Arabic. Here it is: yes, the prophet gave the khutba in Arabic. But the people around him all spoke Arabic. So MAYBE the real sunnah is to give the khutba in the language of the people to whom you are speaking. He then went on to extrapolate and talk about clothes, manners, everything. He called the idea a "deeper" sunnah. Mind blown! I could not believe I had never thought of it before! It just makes so much sense!

Years later, I have embraced so many things that I was avoiding. I not only listen to music, I play it. I have dogs. I don't think hijab is that important anymore. I am a huge supporter of LGBT rights in all areas (yes, even in the mosque *gasp*). I don't go to the mosque (more on that later). I think the partitions at mosques should be there, but only used by women who want that level of separation. I think all religions are created equal. I value science and lean heavily towards scepticism.

"Why should I care?" you ask? Glad you did. You should care because I have a sneaking suspicion the majority of Muslims are more like me than the aunties and uncles represented at the local mosque. That is why we are running away from the mosque (and sometimes Islam in general). We have to start talking, or we will all silently pull away into our own little corner and nothing will ever change. Every religion has its time of reform. Maybe right now is that time for Islam. Because what I see happening in the community is either a war cry or a swan's song. Whichever it might be, the Islam my children know as adults won't be the same.